What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

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She found it foreign!.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

What is the best music album of all time?

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

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They are buried together, in the same grave..

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

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One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

What are some good inspirational movies?

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I said to her

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

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Im still living with it.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

What makes a woman attractive?

We were not on the streets..

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Comes on , in middle age.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I could never make a relationship work though!

I was 9 years of age.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

So, i spoilt her more .

I don,t even have a pension.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

My life is so biszare .

But ive been too sick for many years..

She was in good health!

Ive learnt so much.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

As i do to all so called friends.?

My family never makes their pension either.

I was scared of men, in general

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

He resisted the act ,that day.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I was very sick at this time too.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

She loved him until the end.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

And i lived it daily.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I never cut or harmed myself..

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

She wouldn,t have been !

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I waited trembling.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

What did i know ?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I think the readers, may guess!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

This is soul school!.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

But, we were locked up after school.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Would this be the day?

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was seconnd youngest,

Im dying but, im not bitter.

It was going to be , some day.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I write beautiful poetry .

When she asked me how she looked .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

My mum and dad in the seventies!

She married twice! .

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I have no regrets .

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

All the time i was locked up.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But it wasn’t much.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Was to survive, this bastard.

One cannot live in the past .

Especially a lifetime of it.

We all went to grammer schools

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

He knew the spot.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

(And it was in our own minds.)

I will be 64.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Put me off passion for life!!

Who then, do I blame.?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

So whats the point in blame.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).